


Alone

by GraveVyxen



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:09:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraveVyxen/pseuds/GraveVyxen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allan's thoughts and feelings on losing his brother. Spoilers for 1x07.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> TITLE: Alone
> 
> CHARACTERS: Allan A Dale, Tom, Djaq, Robin Hood, Much, Will Scarlett, Little John
> 
> PAIRINGS: Maybe slight Allan/Djaq?
> 
> NOTES: I felt like I had to do something with Tom’s death, since they never gave us a real scene of Allan mourning for him. So, spoilers for 1x07 and Tom’s execution.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Not my characters. Never took place.

I told her I was fine. I told her I was okay and I didn’t care. So she went back to the rest of the guys. All of them sitting, quietly, around the campfire, and then there’s me. I’m sitting under the tree that I’d seen him under, the last time I’d seen him in Sherwood, away from the camp, in the dark, alone. It makes me sick, how Robin came back and turned tonight into being all about him, all over again. He came back from Knighton with that grim expression. I thought it was about Tom, that he was going to say sorry about what happened to Tom. But, no, it’s Marian. It’s always Marian. I don’t care if John had to force it out of him, he still told us, like I’m supposed to care, that Marian is engaged. And not to him. Boo hoo, Robin, so your precious Marian agreed to marry Gisborne. You don’t seem to realize that other people around here hurt, too. Who just lost his brother? Who lost the last surviving member of his family? Oh, yeah, me.

So sorry if I have no sympathy for you right now. I can just barely make him out beside the fire and the rage in my chest flares up because I can see tears sparkling in his eyes from the firelight. Not like he’d ever shed one in front of us. But he can’t hide them when the light hits. Djaq hugs him, she’s always so sympathetic, and Much puts a hand on his back. Everyone always feels bad for him. Everyone cares more about Robin. And why shouldn’t they? Who am I to receive sympathy anyway? I’m a pickpocket. I’m a thief. I’m nothing, my brother died for nothing, except to save Marian from a hanging, and forgive me for not caring. Forgive me for wishing that Tom was still here, even if it meant Marian was arrested. Over what? A stupid necklace? A stupid necklace that he stole, but still. Robin would’ve gotten her out anyway, and, you know what? She probably wouldn’t be engaged to Gisborne right now. But I know he blames Tom, how could he not? It’s all Tom’s fault. They’re all thinking it.

Bitterness. My old friend. I used to get like this over every little thing. Bitter because Tom was the favorite when Mum and Dad were still alive. Bitter because they died and left the two of us alone. Bitter because Tom was a better pickpocket than I was. Bitter because he walked away from me and I was alone again.

Bitter because Robin’s a noble and he still finds things to complain about. He’s had a better life than I could have hoped for, and we both know it, but he insists on being the center of attention. And I have no sympathy for someone who can’t even apologize for not saving the last person in this world that I truly cared about. I mean, without family, who do I have left? The gang, yeah, but my relatives, they’re different. Tom was all that was left of my life when our parents were still alive. And now he’s gone, and I think a part of me is gone too.

Djaq thinks she understands, and in some ways, I suppose she does. Hell, she took her brother’s name, pretended to be him. I can’t do that now. I don’t have a way to restart. And Tom wouldn’t have wanted me to. He would’ve wanted me to get along. Right? I don’t even know what he would’ve wanted because I hadn’t seen him in so long that I can’t even remember what his favorite food is. And that’s the worst part. I don’t remember nearly anything about my little brother anymore. Except that he was a better thief. He had a big heart. He wasn’t too smart. But who am I to talk? I’m not very smart, either. And all of this is just proof.

And just seeing his body hanging above Nottingham earlier…I don’t want to think about the way his body swung. Because if I think about it, my eyes are going to get wet again and I barely managed to hide it from the gang before. But maybe it won’t matter this time. None of them are paying attention to me anyway. I could probably get away with crying if I really wanted to.

I won’t though, I won’t break down in earshot of Djaq. Not when I told her I was okay. Not when Will’s over there, looking the part of the masculine defender. I can’t let her think I’m weak, too, on top of all of this. She already thinks I joke around too much. Can’t be serious. I need to keep my cool.

The hand on the back of my neck makes me jump and I reach for my dagger before John’s voice penetrates the self-pitying air around me. “C’mon, Allan. Dinner. Sit with us.”

But my body convulses, and I have to shift away. “Not hungry.” Not entirely true, but close enough. My chest hurts, my stomach hurts, and I can’t get Tom out of my mind. I want to fast, for him, something to do for my brother to show that I’m mourning. “I want to be alone, John. Please.”

“Djaq’s worried about you. Will, too.”

But he lumbers away when I’m quiet, and I finally pull my knees to my chest. I want company. I really do. But I just can’t accept their pity. I want someone to actually tell me what to do. How do I deal with this? How do I just acknowledge that my brother is gone now? I mean…I just got him back. We had so much time. And then the Sheriff hung him.

And it doesn’t help that Robin ignored it. After the whole necklace business, he ignored Tom’s death. As a leader, as a friend, shouldn’t he have done something for me? For Tom? He should’ve done something more than just…just complain, worry, about Marian. Fucking Marian. Living, breathing, safe Marian. Marian, who isn’t just going to be thrown into a ditch in the morning and covered enough to keep visitors from seeing her body. Marian, who is going to live to see her next birthday. But tonight is all about her, about her stupid engagement. And Tom is going to be ignored again, forgotten about, because Tom means nothing to Robin.

It’s Djaq’s hands on my shoulders that let me know I finally broke down. Her hands, smoothing over my cloak, to let me know that my face is on my knees, and they’re wet and cold under my pants from tears. And it’s her voice that has me turning into her embrace, telling me that it’s alright to break down. That it’s alright to mourn. And it’s alright to be angry. Because Tom was just like her brother, and they’ll be meeting soon.

And you know what? I don’t even care that Robin doesn’t want to talk about Tom, I don’t care that he’s taking everyone’s attention and making tonight about Marian. Because Djaq cares about Tom. And Djaq wants to make sure that I know that.

Suddenly, the pain in my chest lessens. Because I’m not alone anymore.


End file.
